My Last Year

So I guess I should go ahead and mention the last girl I dated and our history. She is a big part of why I spiraled into depression in 2018 and also made it tough at the end of this year. I suppose I really should just go from how we met. It was was 2017 and my live in girlfriend had just broken up with me. It was a very painful limbo stage we went through where she said she had "doubts about our relationship" but still wasn't ready to call it quits. Finally New Year's Eve I had a talk with her again and pretty much confirmed even though she kept saying she didn't know what she wanted, in her heart it was already over. This should probably be another entry in itself. It was late January in 2017 and I was focused on what I could do to better myself to help me cope with my breakup. By happenstance, my co-workers had recently kept talking about this gym they enjoyed called Orange Theory. I decide to give it a try and decide to call to get information. This is how I...

So it's been about a week since I posted. I was really hoping to avoid that, but at least the good news is that I've been living my life since I was last here. I see some of my posts have been views, but I wait for the day that I write something that will leave a reader wanting to leave a comment. Will that be you? Any comment would be much appreciated. In the meantime I'll go ahead and post what I've been doing the past week: Monday, December 16th after work I actually met up a group from Meetup.com. It was Orlando Running Club. I ran a little over 2 miles without walking. Towards the end I think I could have kept going, but decided not to push myself. I definitely would be interested in meeting up with the group consistently. They were very friendly and welcoming. I also liked that there were various paces and skill levels plus the age range was broad. Tuesday and Wednesday I didn't do much, but I am proud to say I'm closer to cleaning out my freezer. ...

So it's been a few days since I've posted. The good news is that I spent those days making memories and actually living life. 12/12 my friend came in to stay with me. I haven't seen him in over a year. He graduated with Computer Animation and has been working in Montreal this past year. We used to be roommates. We really get along and he's an amazing human being. 12/13 I was going back and forth on whether or not to make Board Game night after work. I ended up not going. I was tired emotionally because I had a lot of people interaction this week that my introverted side needed to be fed. 12/14 I got to meet up with my friend again who came in from out of town. He actually came into town because there was an anime convention called Holiday Matsuri this weekend. He rented a hotel room with some friends and stayed at the host hotel all weekend. I had a really fun time spending time with them. As much fun as it was, it did make me re-evaluate what I wanted to do with ...

So there's apparently going to be a full moon in less than half an hour. It will be December 12th at 12:12 a.m. So many scientific and astrological significance to that timing and numbers. I was hoping to stand outside and take a picture of the moon right at 12:12 a.m., but it's overcast and the moon is not visible at all. UGH Full Moon 12-12 @ 12:12 Today wasn't bad. I went to work and did the usual.  I originally wanted to meet up this group from Meetup.com that does running, but I couldn't tell if it was going to rain or not plus it got really cold towards the end of the day. I'm kind of glad I didn't commit to it because of the weather. Plus it gave me a chance to work an extra hour and 15 minutes that I don't have to work later on this week. I wanted to go home and just relax once I got off work, but decided last minute to accept this invitation to play board games at my friend's house. I'm glad I went. They're good people and I got to p...

354 days until I turn 40. I'm 11 days into my final year in my 30s. I really need a plan of attack on what I'm looking to do with this year. That will probably be my goal for tomorrow is to brainstorm a few things. I know I don't want to travel or focus on activities that I've always wanted to do. That would probably be what most people would want to do. I actually would feel more fulfilled if I bettered myself and set foundations to help welcome me in my 40s. Unfortunately I don't have the brain power to do that today. It's almost 11 p.m. and I worked an 11 hour shift. I will say that I met someone through work today. I work as an online advisor at a private university. There was a student that called in who lost her father over the summer. I found out she lost her mother in 2017. It was so easy to talk to this women. Also, she was 4 months older than me so I felt comfortable knowing she knew the struggle of facing the milestone that waits for us in 2020. H...

If you haven't already seen the classic movie "Groundhog Day" with Bill Murray I recommend it. It's not going to be one of those life altering movies, but it's cute and worth a shot. I went to a young adult group last Thursday and they played this movie. At first I didn't understand how "Groundhog Day" could be used for religious purposes, but I was surprised at how the organizer tied it in. **warning: spoilers ahead** So basically Bill Murray's character, Phil (which is ironic because the groundhog is also Phil. I'm sure there's other significant references to that) is stuck reliving the same day over and over again. At first he uses this to his advantage by sleeping with one women and then trying to sleep with another woman (whom he later actually falls in love with). He also takes advantage of the situation by robbing an armored car by knowing exactly the right time to steal a bag of money. Phil is introduced as a very self cente...

The Ugly: I have depression on top of all the other things that I'm facing with in my first post. Not only does this affect me emotionally, but there's days where it's hard for me to get up and be productive because I just feel overwhelmed and just want to stay in bed. The Bad: I'm on Match.com and the past week I have gotten no responses from women. The other week I had 4 women respond to me, but now even three of those women have slowly stopped responding to my messages. I have 357 days until I turn 40 The Good: Last night I went to an event hosted by Orlando Swing Dance. I had such a great time. It was such a great environment between the professional ballroom dance floor and the big band that was playing. My favorite part was the people. So many nice people and it was very welcoming. The age range was very broad, too. There were teenagers and people that were way past retirement. It was something I really needed. I loved interacting with people. I loved even mor...

So a little about me. I turned 39 a week and a day ago. This has honestly spiraled me down this existential crisis. I am fortunately blessed with a steady career, a home to call my own, no major medical issues (minus the high cholesterol and back problems) and a great dog to greet me every day. My big issue is that the dreaded age of 40 is looming and I don't feel like my job is amazing and furthermore my biggest insecurity is that I am still single and no where near being married!! I'm 5'6" and on top of that Filipino so I'm not exactly the most eligible bachelor type. I'm trying my best not to focus on this, but it's near impossible not to have it loom over me on a daily basis. I'm hoping to document my journey through my last year in my 30s and hopefully get some positive feedback and suggestions to salvage my life moving forward